Happy Father's Day

Marie and I both had Father's Day dinner with my parents today. (52 Blessings: living a Sunday-dinner do-able distance from my parents.) As we sat around after dinner we made up a list of phrases our dad uses repeatedly, and Marie tells me I should be the one to do the post because she has another post to write tonight. Boys: join in, leave me a comment, and feel free to add to the list.

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Bernie-isms:

1. You can put the word "only" in front of just about anything. His response to "It was only $20" or "I'm only 10 minutes past curfew."
2. WHO'S THE BIGGEST? WHO'S THE STRONGEST? His response to bellyaching that something might be "too hard" to do.
3. Come here so I can hit you. Translation: Come here. (no actual hitting involved)
4. These strawberries speak Spanish. A language they learned from the field workers.
5. My uncle has a canoe. Translation: That last thing the other person said was out of the blue and has nothing to do with what we were talking about.
6. In this family we can't afford our noses to grow. Don't' lie, it will make your nose grow, and in our family we already have freakishly large noses.
7. We'd better put a brick on your head so you 'll stop growing. I don't like how quickly you are growing up.
8. I . . . love . . . you! The grandchildren all know what's coming as soon as he whispers the word 'I' into their ears.
9. Do you want me to be good or do you want me to have fun? This is something he only says to my mom.
10. Don't be sorry, just don't do it. Many applications, but I particularly remember this phrase when I made mistakes as I was learning to drive. That may have been when he coined the phrase.
11. If you were a horse we'd shoot ya. Please quit moaning and reevaluate your injuries, I don't think they're that bad. (I'm not exactly sure how the reference to putting injured horses down evolved into this sentiment.)
12. A thin horse going into winter. Someone getting very old, nearing the end of their life.
13. I don't buy green bananas anymore. My dad says this when he is feeling old himself. He might not live long enough to wait for a banana to ripen - he'd better buy them already ripe.
14. The most important part about making icecream is the spoon. My parents make homemade icecream, but dad makes sure the grandkids know that their eating it is the whole reason Grandma and Grandpa make it.
15. Save 'hate' for liver. Hate is a strong word.
16. You don't save money by going shopping. He occasionally rains on our parade when we return from shopping and display all our 'deals'.
17. I'd rather cut my finger. He'd rather cut his finger than do a lot of things.
18. When I was in the army . . . He doesn't have a military record, but he credits the army with teaching him how to shell peas or rake a lawn or various other skills.
19. I was 6 once. That was a great year. The number always corresponds with the age of the person he is speaking to.
20. You'd better get a stick to beat the boys away. You are getting too grown up and pretty.
21. We're not building a piano here. Just get the job done! What you are doing doen't require the time and care you are giving it.
22. Talk like a white man. Speak properly. Drop the baby talk. Drop the slang.
23. Sometimes we count the votes and sometimes we weigh the votes. (Or: This isn't a democracy.)
24. Thousands might believe you. But I don't.
25. Hello, Larry Hollywood. Occasionally he answers the phone this way, but mostly it means "I am lookin' good." (or you are looking good)
    
    26. Don't let the truth get in the way of a good story.
    27. I'm pretty sure 2am is the same time everywhere. (Ask Jaclyn about this one)